there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
