I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
