that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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