at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i think i just lost a toe
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
