you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I intend to get homeless drunk
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
