Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
