I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
