can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
