my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
