we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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