I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
