census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
