I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
soo... how was my night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
