Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Actions speak louder than pants.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
