I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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