im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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