Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
