Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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