dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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