WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
