Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
