Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
