Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
