I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
