cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
