Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
