weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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