if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
