a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
