life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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