I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
