i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
