it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
