those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
