go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
