yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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