you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I want a musical about memes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
