So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Congratulations! We have a period
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