Little spoons don't ask big questions
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
