I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
