guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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