So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
