Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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