ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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