She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
