I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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