Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
