i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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