the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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