note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
