Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
