They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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